Your Words Might Be Hurting Your Relationships

How to Use Nonviolent Communication to Express Your Needs

With Your Partner 

“Your spending habits are out of control. You're irresponsible with money.” ❌

vs. 

Using Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

“I've noticed differences in our approaches to finances. I'm feeling a need for financial stability. Can we talk about our financial goals and find a plan that works for both of us?”

At Work 

“You're making this project impossible with your attitude.” ❌

vs. 

Using Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

“I've observed some challenges in our teamwork. I'm feeling frustrated and would like to understand your perspective better. Can we discuss our needs and find a way to collaborate more effectively?”

With Friends

“You're so indirect in your communication style, ugh. It’s so annoying.” ❌

vs. 

Using Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

“I've noticed we have different communication styles. I'm feeling a need for clarity. Can we discuss how we can communicate more effectively with each other so we can be on the same page?”

Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

Observe without judging

• “I noticed ____________

• “I observed __________

• “I’m seeing __________

Express your feelings

• “I feel __________ because _____________

• “I’m feeling ___________

Identify your needs

• “I need ______________

Make a request

• “Would you be willing to _________.”

• “Can we ____________.”
  

Take Out the Judgment and Share Only What You Are Observing

“Observations are an important element in NVC, where we wish to clearly and honestly express how we are feeling how we are feeling to another person. When we are judgmental, we decrease the likelihood that others will hear our intended message.”

Adapted from: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg.