Dreading Going Home This Holiday? Expert Tips on Dealing with a Rude Family Member

Set boundaries

“Setting boundaries might seem like the start of a fight, but it’s just a way to communicate what your needs are and what you are OK with… it takes some preparation to know how to respond instead of reacting to protect your feelings.”

— Kami Orange, Boundary Coach

Plan ahead

“Before the get-together, think about what your needs are and what a friend or relative might say that would trigger you.”

— Jennifer Rollin, Therapist 

“Try to be gentle, using ‘I’ statements, like ‘I can’t talk about this subject when we get together because I get uncomfortable’ — that way your response sounds less accusatory.”

— Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, Psychologist

Respond by saying…

“I get that you’re excited about your diet, but I am working on healing my relationship with food so I’d rather we not talk about it.”

— Jennifer Rollin, Therapist  

“I love how much you love love and you want everyone to be as happily partnered as you are. Remind me, how did you meet Uncle Gary?”

— Kami Orange, Boundary Coach

Get creative

“Maybe make a jar that people have to put money in when the taboo topics are mentioned or make a bingo board with your partner or siblings that you can check off with a laugh when someone says something inappropriate.”

— Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, Psychologist

Adapted from: CNN Health, “Family member say something rude? Here’s what to say back, according to experts” written by Madeline Holcombe